Should I? Should I not?

I just don't know, and I'm again confused, thrown back into time where I first experience this.
Sometimes, I just keep wondering... will we be together... 5 years ago I've faced this, and now once again I've been thrown into this situation, the situation between to say or not to say, to express or not to express, to take up courage and tell or just stay like this and don't say a word.
Which is it?
There are two choices all with its own condition.
If I tell, I might get, but yet I may risk losing the friendship. If I don't, I'll regret and will always wonder, but yet the friendship would remain, I just don't want to look back one day telling myself "You should have asked last time, look its all too late now" So which is it?
All I want to so ask is ".. / .... .- ...- . / - .... .. ... / ..-. . . .-.. .. -. --. / .- -... --- ..- - / -.-- --- ..- / .- -. -.. / .. / -.-. .- -. .----. - / .... . .-.. .--. / .. - / -... ..- - / --- -. .-.. -.-- / - --- / .- ... -.- / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / --. .. ...- . / -- . / .- / -.-. .... .- -. -.-. . / - --- / -... . / .-- .. - .... / -.-- --- ..-"

What more can I ask...
Sometimes I just wonder what is God's planning...
I just pray He'll show me something.

All is in the plans

Today was the English debate competition and guess who we're against? SAB yes, Amminudin Baki, last years 2nd.
Our topic was "Outside learning is the best way to captivate the interest of students"
We took the role as government which we prepared all our notes on and I really thank God.
Well, everything went on normal until minutes after I sat down in front on the table where I started to get nervous...
That very moment I was praying so hard that God would give me the peace... but then peace was not there. Anyways I finishes 8 minutes for the debate as the first speaker and seriously I really sucked at it... At that time all I was thinking is "We're finished" all because of me...
But then the debate went on for around an hour or so... with our second speaker being the best but the other team still seems to be winning side.
So it was as though the debate was 3 against 1.
All I was thinking is all is lost...
We were at the point of hopelessness to win. Our third speaker too was not that good.
When the debate finally ended, we could see that the opposition were already shaking hands so confident that victory was in their hands while the judges went out to decide the winning team as the rest of us stayed in the room. That time the first thing I do was pray. I prayed something like "God let your will be done, let your glory be shown, let a miracle happen here, for you're God without limitations, and God I prayed that you will give us victory, Amen"

Then after like around 10 minutes or so, we were mixing around with the opposition when the judges finally came in.
The she gave a short comment on the debate saying she don't like this debate for so so reason.
Then the moment was there when the chairperson opened the result and straight away he looked at the opposition. I thought well, we had our try when he said the winning team is the GOVERNMENT. That time I was... not even sure that am I on the government or opposition when then I realized that jaw dropping result. I was like stunned forgetting about everything. I was so shocked that I could not believe what I heard.
This is the first time, our school went in from the first round of debate since when I joined Saint Gabriel and there was history, made by God.
All I really want to say is all Glory to God, and I was really touched and all I remembered was the quote from the movie I watched- Facing the Giants which goes something like -"God will give us victory all because He can" Yes all because He can, we had our victory all because He can.
I never want to forget this moment never in my life.

School reopen day+3

School started for the second term for already 3 days...
Its a bit tiring returning back to school life after 2 weeks of holidays.
There is still the holiday mood lingering around.

This Friday will be going for a 2 days 1 night prefect camp.
Well, some part of me just don't feel like going.
But well, the choices are not there and not mine.
Will be back on Saturday around 4 or 5+

Well, thats all for this update.

Mmorpg frenzy

I'm back into mmorpgs again. Why? Cause of a new game called Dragonica.
Its a great game and I really really recommend it to anyone who likes Maple. If you like Maple you'll probably like Dragonica. For me, I don't quite like Maple but I liked Dragonica haha.
Its open beta now so everyone has almost a standard level.
Well, I'm playing on server Kaye which is on the 1st server slot. So anyone planning to play join me on server Kaye ^^

Heres some pictures taken:

Well, hope any mmo players seeing this will plan to play :p
Another pic:

My 1104 combo chain ^^
The official site for Dragonica is http://dragonica.iahgames.com/
Do take a visit

The end is near

Well, not the end of the world but the end of the mid term school holidays is near. Another few more days and school starts again.
Just can't imagine how fast time goes by... 2 weeks of school holiday seems to pass in just a few snaps of the finger.
Will probably start getting exam results too... wonder how "well" I did...

Spent the whole holiday gaming haha, what better can I do except gaming?
Maybe its the only thing I'm good at for now, haven't found others things which I'm good at yet...
time will tell I guess.

Just a short and brief update.
What more can I say?

A glimpse into rejection

Rejection a common part in my life, I would say my rate of being rejected by people around me would be around the rate of 7-8 out of the scale of 10.
Sometimes its not that I don't speak much or I'm the "quiet" kind.
Its throughout life, I've lost my courage and my self-confident to communicate, I can't seem to find it in my life anymore.
Its like I want to speak yet my mouth would not open and words would not come out.
I lost the ability to communicate like any normal person would.
I've lost my trust in peoples around me, in friends even the closest.
Yes, I don't need to feel, cause I know. "rare, cold, weird and unsociable type" which makes me the no.1 target to be rejected in many times, in life, in studies, in friendship.
Sometimes it just pains me to the core, yet I'll never express it.
What can I say? What can I do? Its my weakness...
Another would say the "slowness" in my reactions and sensitivity, call me "retarded" if in straight forward style.
Another reason, another heart stabbing reason, a reason for most people, sometimes even the closest people around me uses this as an advantage to tease, to play prank, to trick, to ignore, to insult....
Words thrown at me, not to encourage but to break my dreams, my confidence...
All kinds of words of discouragement I've face...
All I've face many times, gone through again and again until its so common its like wind brushing but yet it too sometimes leave effects in my heart.
Sometimes I think why? Why was I given a life like this? What God's purpose.
The pain, the loneliness, its just unbearable...
Its like a heart is being blocked and I'm losing my breath.
I can certainly say all these cause I know well enough.
I ask if and only if anyone is reading this post, what kind of person do you think am I? Give me an answer, a true answer, an answer from within.
How I wish I can let go of this pain, but yet tears are not rolling down my eyes.
How I wish...
17 years... 2 years in kindergarden, 6 years in prime and now 5 years in secondary, all I've faced rejection...


In life even sometimes the closest rejects me, all, everyone, except God. God is and will always be the only one that will never reject me, this is the only thing left in me that I believe with faith and I thank God for this.
I can surely say its because of God, I am still living on, if not I would not want to be here. I am going through life because I trust in His plans and I felt His unfailing love.
How I pray a strike of miracle would happen...
A miracle that would transform my life...
Just one...
Just this one miracle would be enough...

Here starts the holidays

Its the first week of my holiday, and my school is having extra classes and I'm having tuition almost everyday...
Its just I'm in a holiday mood and not in a mood for so many programs related to "studies"
Well, thank God school is just for 1 week.

And yeah I received my Hillsong United: Tear Down the Walls album last week.
The musics are awesome, some really touched the heart.
Its by God such great musics are made ^^

Then I decided to dig out my pass year essay and I rewritten it in "word" format for my school's magazine and so I decided to post it here too ^^
Note: Its modified from the original 1 hour exam copy, and all character names are fictional and are not related to anyone in anyway or anyhow.
Story is inspired by the today's situation of the world, and some games and movies.

I hope its nice ^^

A Remnant of My Memories(Edited from my Form 4 last term exam)

The year is 2018; the biggest economy crisis hit the whole world in a flash. Stock markets were closed and money was simply worthless as paper. With crude oil prices rising to 800 USD per barrel, the U.S and Europe waged war across all the other continents and sparked World War 3. With an all out nuclear warfare at its horizon, Asian countries united to build the last remaining hope against the invading western onslaught.

The whole world was affected by the war, poverty and diseases everywhere. This includes Malaysia. Kuala Lumpur, the capital city of Malaysia, a once great city where the Twin Towers stood and known to the world is now just a remnant of its glorious pass, a pile of rubbles and debris with nothing, nothing left, a war torn wasteland.

Rumors have been spreading around the country about a safe haven where many refugees are going. The place was China and that is where I’m also going. I, like others, lost almost everything in the war, my love ones, my home, all that I had was gone and my life was the only thing that was preserved. I join others like me to find hope and a new home in China, rumored as the remaining last safe haven.

Our journey was via Thailand where trains are still in service heading to China. However, the only way from Malaysia to Thailand was by walking for all motor vehicles have ceased to work due to the insufficient fuel required for them to work. Its been a month since I’ve started my journey with others to Thailand and we are now close to the borders. This raised my hope after one month of walking with many incidents along the way.

Today is going to be final day of walking, because I’m now at the border toll, waiting for my turn to cross into Thailand. Suddenly, I heard gunshots from my back and everyone started panicking. Everyone started pushing each other to cross the borders. Then bombs and artillery shells started falling from the sky, bullets were raining everywhere. When I looked back, all that I saw was death and destruction, every time a bomb or shell exploded, death was sure to follow in its way.

Then during this desperate time, someone stumbled beside me, I helped her up and I was surprised to see a beautiful face just in front of me. However, she thanked me and continued on with the crowds. I lost sight of her in the crowds after that and I didn’t even get a chance to ask her name. As the sound of explosion and bullets got louder, I’ve forgotten about her as I struggle to cross the border. After a long struggle, I finally made my way across the border into Thailand but I kept running forward and I did not look back too see was going on but I know it was a massacre back there. I only heard screams, gunshots, bombs and shells exploding but it was enough to tell the whole incident behind me.

I continued to run until I heard nothing of those behind. Then I slowed my paced and continued walking with the crowds that survived towards the capital city of Thailand- Bangkok where the train station was. I walked the whole day and it was night when I reached the station with the crowds. The capital city- Bangkok itself was too in ruins like Kuala Lumpur when I had a glimpse of it before I enter the station. Then in the station, all that I see were thousands and thousands of refugees with the same fate waiting to board the train to China. From this situation, I know from what I saw that this is going to take some time before it is my turn to even have the chance to get on the train.

I surveyed the station and found a peaceful corner. I sat there like everyone else wondering about my fate and fell asleep. In the morning, I woke up and went to get some food supplied by U.N officers at the counter, it was packed. Then that very moment, I saw that face once again, I saw her. Just as I saw her, she too saw me; it was just as though we were fated to meet each other. I went over and introduced myself to her and it was then I knew her name. Her name was Sue. We got along and talked a lot together while we sat there by the corner having out breakfast. As we chat along, I thought to myself, it is weird that even in the worst of times, happiness can be found.

Well got along well after a few days, then one night, I decided to bring her out for something like a date. I bought her the open space just outside the station and we sat in the middle looking and pondering at the night sky. It was the happiest day in my life since the years. It is because of her, I looked at this world torn world in a different perspective.

The next morning, we heard there was a train coming and so we decided it was time for us to try to get on the train that day. I hold her hands and attempted to push through the crowds and to the platform. We waited there and a few hours later, the train finally came. Everyone was pushing towards the door when the train rushed into the station. We tried to push our way onto the train but then we got separated during the attempt. I manage to get on the train but she was left behind. I tried to open the door, but she said that it was ok and she would take the next train. I agreed to meet her and the station in China. Then as the train rushed out of the station, a light flashed through the sky and suddenly the was a great flashed of light that blinded my sight the very moment just as train left the city outskirts. At this sight, I fell down on my knees knowing that that was the last time I ever get to see her face. She died with the thousands of civilians that were left behind that very day. She and the times we had together will always remain in my memories.



End of story xD, comments are openly accepted
I feel when I write this story, I feel like the guy being left alone to live, rejected and alone.