Rejection a common part in my life, I would say my rate of being rejected by people around me would be around the rate of 7-8 out of the scale of 10.
Sometimes its not that I don't speak much or I'm the "quiet" kind.
Its throughout life, I've lost my courage and my self-confident to communicate, I can't seem to find it in my life anymore.
Its like I want to speak yet my mouth would not open and words would not come out.
I lost the ability to communicate like any normal person would.
I've lost my trust in peoples around me, in friends even the closest.
Yes, I don't need to feel, cause I know. "rare, cold, weird and unsociable type" which makes me the no.1 target to be rejected in many times, in life, in studies, in friendship.
Sometimes it just pains me to the core, yet I'll never express it.
What can I say? What can I do? Its my weakness...
Another would say the "slowness" in my reactions and sensitivity, call me "retarded" if in straight forward style.
Another reason, another heart stabbing reason, a reason for most people, sometimes even the closest people around me uses this as an advantage to tease, to play prank, to trick, to ignore, to insult....
Words thrown at me, not to encourage but to break my dreams, my confidence...
All kinds of words of discouragement I've face...
All I've face many times, gone through again and again until its so common its like wind brushing but yet it too sometimes leave effects in my heart.
Sometimes I think why? Why was I given a life like this? What God's purpose.
The pain, the loneliness, its just unbearable...
Its like a heart is being blocked and I'm losing my breath.
I can certainly say all these cause I know well enough.
I ask if and only if anyone is reading this post, what kind of person do you think am I? Give me an answer, a true answer, an answer from within.
How I wish I can let go of this pain, but yet tears are not rolling down my eyes.
How I wish...
17 years... 2 years in kindergarden, 6 years in prime and now 5 years in secondary, all I've faced rejection...
In life even sometimes the closest rejects me, all, everyone, except God. God is and will always be the only one that will never reject me, this is the only thing left in me that I believe with faith and I thank God for this.
I can surely say its because of God, I am still living on, if not I would not want to be here. I am going through life because I trust in His plans and I felt His unfailing love.
How I pray a strike of miracle would happen...
A miracle that would transform my life...
Just one...
Just this one miracle would be enough...
2 comments:
you know, the you that i see in my eyes are the one that God is preparing for His plan in the future. He sees you as someone who is not ready to take up the things that He want you to do. That's why He put you in situations where tears describe you the best. Although things are hard, but forget not that God wants you to learn in these situations. He want you to grow, so that you can take up His task for you. Therefore, don't give up when facing bad times. Always ask yourself, 'what does my God wants me to learn in this situation?'
You have your own attributes and gifts given by our mighty God. Your challenge is to find them out and use them fully for God's glory.
always remember 1. Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation (or situation) has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
Jia You.
Thanks Vince for the encouragement.
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